Wednesday, November 04, 2015

Perhaps the new Amazon store will sell The Cyberdisk

With the rather bizarre news that, paragon of the brave new world of cyberspace and pre-eminent success story of the wireless internet age, is to open a bricks-and-mortar store in Seattle, Washington, and the associated Brian Gable editorial cartoon (below),

  (Brian Gable/The Globe and Mail)

I was reminded of an old CBC Irrelevant Show sketch about retro technology, the text of which is roughly:
Introducing the world's newest smartphone, The Cyberdisk, from Tennessee Instruments! Using our proprietary technology, our design team has created a phone that will make communication faster, easier, and clearer.
The Cyberdisk is the world's first smartphone to offer hands-free texting. With our patented voice-to-text vocal decoding technology, you simply call the number of the recipient, and speak into the mouthpiece. The Cyberdisk will analyze your vocal patterns and convert them into text!
And that's only half of it...the recipient's phone will then take that text, analyze it with our voice reconfiguration software, and then translate that text to sound. Our software is so accurate, it will perfectly mimic your own voice. Just like the real thing, thanks to our patented VTTTVMRT (Voice To Text To Voice Modulation Reconfiguration Technology).
Plus, you'll never charge another battery again! Cyberdisk, from Tennessee Instruments, has a new connective technology that ensures your Cyberdisk unit is always powered up. Your batteries will never die. And, you'll never lose your phone again. The Cyberdisk uses what we call an "e-cord" to physically attach the smartphone to your wall. You won't have to worry about leaving that iPhone on the bus ever again!
That wheel on top of the unit is the Cyberdisk. It uses spring-action, wheel-based technology in its dialling terminus. No more fumbling around on that touch screen. Forget about using two thumbs: you can dial using just one finger!
What about the web browser? This big yellow book never crashes.
Welcome to the future of smartphones.
It does sometimes seem that what goes around comes around.

No comments: